journal:
Wednesday, September 24, 2008 -- 1:15:20 AM
叶子
开着车听到电台播放着阿桑的《叶子》
我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心
只是心又飘到了哪里
就连自己看也看不清..
最近的确是一个人吃饭，即将一个人旅行长江三峡，一个人在上班回家的巴士路程上看书，一个人写着寂寞感性的博克，和自己对话、谈心。自己的心仿佛飘浮不定，就连自己也不了解自己。。
Friday, September 26, 2008 -- 11:56:36 PM
问题
曾几何时，不知什么时候开始我失去了和人沟通的能力。
自以为了解我的人会了解我心中的想法。
事实证明，最不了解状况的人是我。
失去了人类本身具有的沟通能力。
是我错了。
我错了。
错了。
了。。
Sunday, September 28, 2008 -- 12:25:31 AM
糟糕的一天
红着眼搭地铁，逛乌节。。 在工作上我就那么不负责任吗？
没想到工作的压力不是来自于工作，而是人。。
感谢Angely，Chong，在我最空虚无助情况下给了我些许的扶持。。
我沟通的frequency range是越来越狭小了。。
Wednesday, October 08, 2008 -- 8:50:12 AM
A MESSAGE WRITTEN IN JAPAN
おはいよございます (good morning)
using this computer in Yahoo Cyber Cafe at Narita International Airport.
now in Japan Narita International airport. found a yahoo Internet cafe with free access of internet. The weather is drizzling now.. having nice view of the aeroplane..
its a different feeling now looking at my website, my journal.. a homely place for myself in the Internet. 7 days in Japan, quite lonely sometimes but still tried to enjoy myself to the fullest. its a sudden trip for me and decided last minute to visit japan. A trip with friends.. but not truely was. looking at JAL japan airline plane taking off from the cafe window, i know my journey of life should take off soon, but yet not so soon..
im waiting.. tears told me that my life does not belong to the current. Perhaps work can really change a person. or perhaps its the surrounding. the first website i opened here is the nus exchange outlook mail box.. couldnt send out email hence back to here..
drizzling outside, not strong rain, but drizzling. really nice view.
japan is a nice place. i saw the complicated nature of japan, be it nature or the people here, the culture and the character.. however nice this country is, its not the place where i should belong. my flight is taking off really soon.. back to singapore, back to home.
missed a lot of people in singapore. its an emotional trip. hope the next time coming to japan, i wont be alone. yet waiting for me ahead, will be visiting china alone in the next 12 days.. my life is sort of a destiny.. my life and my heart seems to go along so well.. flying alot.. never seems to be able to settle down.. and it just comes to me.. never know my job nature of a user support professional can get to go oversea for conference.. life is really predestinated. probably my heart too.. it really take someone to accept my heart, my character and my nature.. changing it seems so difficult.. but im trying.
about to last call fot the flight CX501.. cathay flight to hongkong then another flight to singapore.. till then..
goodbye Japan, hope its a different feeling the next time i see you.. あいしてる..
with love,
biaogang
10.18am (Japan Time)
Narita international Airport
Yahoo Cafe
drizzling weather
Thursday, October 16, 2008 -- 1:06:44 AM
自己
每个人有三个自己：
第一个是别人眼中的自己。
第二个是自己眼中的自己。
第三个是真正的自己。
很多人一辈子都看不见真正的自己。
这些年来我一直周旋于这三个自己之中找寻自己承认的自己。却忽略原来人不只有一个的自己。不满意自己眼中的自己，在意别人眼中的自己，找不到真正的自己。。那么多的自己都没有一个看得顺眼。也难怪这些日子寻寻觅觅一无所获，如此迷失自我，那么不开心，像是变了个人。。
或许我把自己看得太重了吧？还是放多点心思关心周围的人比较好。这不是我以往一直在做的事吗？
Sunday, October 19, 2008 -- 10:13:45 PM
我的博克
对不起。我的博克让很多关心我的人担心我。开始询问我的近况，约我和茶。谢谢身边关心我的人，好友，老师，我没事。写博克时往往是写下当时的心境，想法。写过了，就忘了。听过国王驴耳朵的故事吧？在这里不管写什么，只要按下Submit Button，它就会一字不漏的接受，记下来。除了有时候Internet Connection问题，全部内容不见掉而需要重写之外。
翻看从前写过的那些悲观，任性，甚至有点变态的内容，现在反而觉得可笑，无知。不过当时写的时候感觉确是很自然的。是当时的心境吧。
有人说讨厌我的博克。有人说喜欢我的博克。更有人说我的博克是motivation的来源。也有人说，我写下的才是真正的自己，和现实生活中的我反而呈现了两种极端的性格对比。读了我的博克会觉得现实中的我很虚伪，更何况我是名演员。.
我不喜欢说谎。不是因为鼻子会变长，而是我不想做虚伪的人。我对人都是真心对待，没有心机的。平时烧香拜神我也常会说：“保佑我身边的人平平安安，快快乐乐”。。嗯。。离题了。。
如果读了我写的内容不开心，觉得受伤的话，对不起。。我很好。此刻的心境也很开心。因为再过9个小时我就要搭飞机到武汉去了。是和老板去武汉的华中科技大学参加一个座谈会过后会参与他们安排的长江三峡游。这是要自费的，可以带朋友。。虽然我将会一个人去，但也是种体验吧。我会自己照顾自己的 =)
下个星期一晚上就会回来了。在我离开的星期五10月24日,《叮当神探》，要留意那三个绑匪中的我哦。很快，可能看不到哈哈。。还蛮咖哩菲的 =P
Singapore Soka Association
上个月我帮忙一位别个部门的同事，参与了新加坡创价学会维多利亚支部的一个演出。原本是找我帮忙导演一出剧。过后也答应了参与演出中小小的角色。
协助参与他们多次的排练，熟读剧本，遥远的路途，最终也在9月28日顺利演出：
一名视障人士自弹自唱《小人物的心声》
康乐组表演酷酷的舞蹈。背景音乐是小猪的《精武门》哦。
合唱组演唱蔡纯嘉的《陪我看日出》
剧情中我安排了剧中情侣演绎了相识的暧昧，在一起的甜蜜，难免的争吵和争吵后冷静下来复合的幸福。。
合唱组再唱一首周华建的《朋友》。场面还蛮温馨的。
过后司仪还在300多众人面前当众感谢我还邀我上台与众演出艺人合唱一首《真心英雄》
剧中演员与幕后人员。当然导演不只我一个。我导的只是细节。
演出后收到的谢礼与纪念品还真不少。他们不知说了多少句谢谢。。搞到我都不好意思了-_-"
拆开了的礼物。。好久没有感受那种拆开礼物的滋味了。我是小心翼翼的拆开的=)
协助导演的剧本改编自“The Buddha, Geoff and Me” 的一本畅销书。这本书是过后创价学会的朋友送我的纪念品。我觉得还蛮有意思的。
在导这部剧时，仿佛就像在开导自己。可能是命运的安排，试图点醒我。剧中的台词，句句就像是对着我说的。剧中两个主角的人物性格就像是陷入谷底的我，跟从前乐观的我一样。这剧本仿佛就像是写给自己的剧本。我的同事因该是找对人了吧哈哈。。
好了。。明天6点多要到机场，早上8点半的飞机。。保重 =)
Wednesday, October 29, 2008 -- 8:06:46 PM
一则来不及刊登的科技稿
《WALL-E 与科技》
看过WALL-E这部电影的朋友们很多都被其可爱的机械主角和剧情迷倒。有些影迷还尝试学剧中器械人的发音技巧，模仿得维妙维俏。WALL-E在我看来是部非常科技的电影。除了以三维动画的方式呈现之外，还以机械人来取代人类为主角，比剧中人类更有人情味。剧情里有很多部分都像是在影射现代人过于依赖科技的程度，几乎任由科技摆布自己的人生。
看过了电影，闭上眼睛沉思，的确是这样。现代人上网，发电邮，简讯，使用随声听，手机，没有一天是不被科技所摆布。自己若是忘了带手机出门，那一天就会过得很不自在，仿佛失去了音讯，多了份孤单的感觉。不过，从另一个角度来看，现代人好像一直都被科技所盲目，环绕着科技打转。就如WALL-E电影中所示，剧中的人类无意间摆脱了科技的约束，才发现一直忽略了身边种种的美好。若是要你尝试一天不带手机出门，会是什么状况呢？
当我们如此的信赖科技的同时，可有想过科技也有失灵的时候？就好比方说，当您发的电邮或是简讯迟迟发不到收件人的手上，重要的讯息无法及时传达给收件人时，是怪自己太依赖科技，还是太信赖科技？虽然科技给人们带来了便利，但过于信赖科技而导致人与人之间产生误会的例子还是有的。面对面的交谈始终还是最真实可靠的，不是吗？
我想WALL-E这部电影最终所要传达的讯息，是把科技比喻成一把双刃剑。在科技能够带动文明的同时，也能在人们过度依赖科技时摧毁人类与生俱来的本能。怎么使用这把剑就得看使用者本人了。
Tuesday, November 11, 2008 -- 10:42:12 PM
CLUBING WEEK
haven been updating here for sometime. had been clubbing for 6 days out of 9 days in a row. until the pub closed, even though the next day was a working day for me. some nights were happening. get to know some nice aunties and uncles. one of the uncle treated me beer when he spotted me alone. some aunties were kind enough showing me concern when they see me alone until 2am in the morning on sunday. The crews were nice people kept pouring me drinks and i had alot.. of sprite that is.. how i wish those are glass and glass of beers. but i cant. was doing a survey, working hard in a pub, although i knew that i wont get drunk easily. and most importantly, i was driving.
there were still youngsters around mostly malaysian. nice people too. all of them thought that i was a student doing holiday or part time job in my free time. Was shouting and speaking close to everyone's ear competing with the heavy music on stage. was being cute, innocent and lovely, smiling and friendly to everyone in the pub that i felt myself transformed to someone whom i never thought i would be. one can really change oneselve to adapt to the environment.
finally completed my quota on sunday just 2 days ago. there was still some time and i refilled my own drink, sat at one table by myself admiring the music and the environment. is this a place i should come alone or with a group of friends. drinking definately wont help. the toilet is a place i will avoid when the club close. people were throwing out after heavy drinking. gals and guys were being drag out by their half drunken friends to the toilet. what a scene..
there are some whom dressed in young dresses, mini skirt, mini tees, dancing energetically. it was when i approached nearer that i discovered there were actually much older than me.. one was so drunk that she pat on my back like a child that i know i should leave her alone.
hectic it can be, but definately an experience indeed. for now, taste of honey choya.. taste of alcohol. its supposed to be a healthy drink anyway.
something worth mentioning.. today i received an exam goody pack from a student leader today. so sweet of her as she knew that i haven got change to collect any exam pack for my years as a student in the university.. i was just sharing with her my student life and she actually take it by heart and left it secretly on my table. sending me an appreciation message for helping her.. In the goody bag was some tibits, drinks and stationaries. it has been long that i received appreciation for help that i rendered. thanks for making my day =) for friends in nus whom had collected the exam pack, you should know what are the goodies im referring to (= to friend whom i specially sms to notify of this goodies.. hope you will do well for the exam.
11月11日，网上得知今天好像是光棍节。。也可以说是单身节。。成双成对的“11”号还真有意思。就希望一对“1”可以永远在一起。。只可惜过了今天，“2”就会取代另一个“1”的位置。。一对“1”需要等上一年才能再在一起吗？一直都在纳闷“光棍”一词的由来 *hmm..*
Sunday, November 16, 2008 -- 1:27:27 PM
CLUBBING 第二章
昨天又去clubbing做assignment。完成被退回的10份问卷。回到同一间pub，和那里的员工打成一片。那里的熟客也都认识我了。都是auntie & uncle们。其中还问到一位月薪有1万2千的。。想想如果我有这样的收入，会过着怎么样的日子呢？
昨天工作还算满轻松的。和往常一样喝了很多杯的sprite。那里的人都知道我的习惯，看到我来了就递给了我一杯sprite解渴 =) 相信如果一个人生活有规律，有一定的习惯时，身边的人会比较容易了解那个人。
在pub工作真的不容易。有时会有人对我搭肩说话；有时会有人伸手邀我舞动身体；有时会踩到顾客庆生时掉落地上的蛋糕，想再穿那双鞋时才发现鞋底爬满了蚂蚁；有时会坐到倒过酒的椅子搞到裤子湿湿地；昨天还在黑暗的pub里踩到人家吐在地上的秽物。。还在庆幸自己不是坐到。有时还有口水多过茶的酒客说话时口水乱乱喷。。我还要很专业的把问卷问完，过后再到厕所洗脸。。运气不好时还得面对满是秽物的洗脸盆。。
什么样的工作都有他快乐和辛酸的一面。我也不后悔接下这次的任务。心想前些时候好友也做着同样的事时，希望你没受到太大的委屈。
这次的pub assignment 也算真的告一段落。下个星期我还得临时give training.. 明天就得准备好training material..
希望一切顺利。
Wednesday, November 19, 2008 -- 10:01:08 PM
搬家了
http://www.comprince.com
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