:::deviation..:.::.

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181.
14 May '06.
7.34 pm.
suicide sports club - i don't know (luke dzierzek mix).

sky high.

and up in the skies we held hands
looking unto the shimmering yellow lights below
the city's running never stops for an end
we too are sheer mortals
but from this extravagant view
i couldn't help but question our fate
and our faith

drawing my breath closer to hers
i whispered diversity divided by choices
holding her closer to my body
i spoke of fears and expectations
though there's much i do not know
there's still so much out there to grasp

and little did she knew
how tall she stood as a pillar of my foundation
assurance are just words to support a false pretence
beliefs flutter in the ideology of expectations
but yet in the face of the preordained architecture and unknown future
from the largest ambition to the smallest hope
both of us still hold dear to a bond we have nurtured strong

wrapping my arms around her waist
and speaking into her eyes
we smiled
we kissed
and time will unravel all that is to come

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180.
7 May '06.
8.57 pm.
mylo ft freeform five - muscle car (sander kleinenberg remix).

alittle bit of electro techno.

oakenfold and miss kittin both rocked the dancefloor.. beautiful crowd on both nights.. miss kittin owned oakenfold hands down.. enough said..

i think i'm so used to having such a recruit haircut that i can no longer see myself as having long hair.. it's hard to look into the mirror and imagine my hair growing and me having to style it spike or something.. how queer.. i've always wanted something different, be alittle bit different, as a unique individual.. prob been stuck with this look far too long.. creativity have almost ceased flowing..

sigh..

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179.
30 April '06.
9.50 pm.
hyper loves a-ha - take on me.

infuriating temper.

surprised to see me typing something on my blog at this time? last week, when i was booking out of camp, i had three people asking me if i'm going to go clubbing during the weekend.. and it's not like they wanted to join me or what-so-ever.. anyhow, i said no, i wasn't.. and i didn't.. i'm not some clubbing-addict that have to get into a club during my weekend..

i know i talk alot of my clubbing experience here but i'm not that of a fanatic.. it's either with friends or the djs that i like are in town.. next week, i guess i'll be in zouk on fri and sat.. why? it's oakenfold and then miss kitten will be playing! i guess i'm greedily feeding off all the ephemeral of music that the djs want to showcase in that one night.. the same djs that have been influencing me; my music direction, appreciation and my life..

back in camp, a thunderstorm always seems to be brewing every couple of days.. the skies dark with ominous clouds.. menacing bolts of lightnings and growling thunders.. it really does set the mood for me.. for me, i'm pretty much feeling down nowadays.. i have so many things kept inside of me, keeps building up and no where where i can go and shout it all out.. only i, see myself in this state of darkening spiralness.. nobody else does, even when i try to explain, it only made things worse.. it's like only i see what's going on beyond the well and everyone else just tells me about the sky..

moving on, sean and some of my other friends will be flying off to taiwan later in the night.. i wish them all the best in their trainings and have a hell of a blast during their time off before coming back to singapore.. i'm so jealous! haha.. it's so exciting going to a foreign country to do military exercises.. i'll never have a chance to do that.. and it's once in a lifetime too..

sean will be spending his birthday over there, during one of the exercises.. how exciting is that? spending the day in the jungle, in full battle order, carrying your gun, going for some mission.. ha! what a way to celebrate ur birthday..

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178.
16 April '06.
7.59 pm.
garbage - push it.

the towering 15th.

the word "brokeback" is now synonymous with the word "gay" or "homo".. i've been hearing it everywhere.. and we all know it's because of ang lee's over-rated movie, brokeback mountain.. i guess anything that is gay-assiociated should be talked about and winning some oscars.. fuck that.. out of 10 people whom i know, only 1 or 2 know what they are talking about.. the others didn't even watch the damn movie.. which is fucking boring and i actually fell asleep twice.. okay, that was due to fatigue though..

and you guys do know newurbanmale now have a product named after the show rite?

moving on, i've been clubbing alot this weekend.. went to mos for tiesto and it was bloody packed to the c-o-r-e.. i couldn't even get to the dance floor.. people were all pushing, rushing in and out.. samantha and i gave up after trying for 5mins to put another foot forward.. it was the same on both levels.. i've never seen mos packed like a can of sardines before..

we decided to leave this "bodies-mashing-up-altogther" place and head down to zouk to join sean and his friends.. i knew something was going on for sean, since he doesn't go clubbing at all and calls me up to ask for the cover charge for zouk.. i remembered the last time i was in distress, my friends accompanied me to zouk, even though they dun or barely club at all..

at zouk, the mixologist were playing.. and we danced quite abit.. i did go to phuture for awhile and the house there is 10 times better than what's goin on in the main floor.. the hip hop there is atrocious.. i say they were playing shit music, with no sense of mixing and talking too much crap over the mic.. the music was blaring over the speakers and it was giving me a headache instead of a good time.. i swear if i had a gun there and then, i'd have shot all 3 of them down..

enough is enough, and after i've accompanied sean to dance for awhile, i left for mos again.. the state of trance there lifted me up.. and everyone there was pumping to the hard hitting beats.. they were all worshipping tiesto! unbelievable! he's so ugly! haha.. but that's not the point is it? rated one of the top djs in the world, tiesto definitely have his supporters..

and yesterday, i went to zouk again! with ashe and jensen.. it's the 15th anniversary crystal ball party.. 80% of the people were all dressed up! i, just being in t-shirt and jeans, felt so under-dressed! there were celebrities, models and gays aglore! they were everywhere! and this is the first time i've seen zouk at one of its best! with that diversity of interesting people all around.. there were so many ang mos, models or not.. i'm seeing breast at eye-level and elbows hitting my head, but they were nice enough not to push midgets like me around.. and even allowed me to go first.. i felt so, so, so, bloody short..

by midnight, the platform right in the middle of the dancefloor was gay central.. the music was fantastic, the crowd were tasteful, everybody there was knowing everybody else and my hungry eyes were feasting everywhere.. by 1am, the dancers came in and started dancing on the platform with various costumes.. i'd never wanted to leave till morning but i was getting really tired and decided to head home early.. plus i didn't really have the right clothes on..

and now, booking back to camp for another week of agony!

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177.
2 April '06.
8.00 pm.
smashing pumpkins - 1979.

naval anti-terrorism force-protection soldiers.

so, yeaup.. my sea soldier course have officially started 2 weeks back.. and it's so familiar to my bmt.. kinda got used to the training.. it's commando RP training.. no doubt i'll be so damn fit by the end of it all.. anyways, i've summed it up as SSC = {(BMT / 2 = SISPEC) x 4 = BMT x 2} = SSC.. heck, just playing with mathematical equation.. lol.. and oh, i'm also officially under the Navy..

went to zouk for james lavelle which was a total letdown.. considering he's half of unkle.. the people in the main floor were swaying zombies.. i spent 99% of the time in phuture dancing under the loud sirens of tony tay.. and i had so much more fun! yesterday, i went for felix da housecat.. and it turned out pretty crappy too.. he may be really good in production but sure sucks as a dj.. the warm up session before he took over was so, so, so much better! but the crowd rocked anyways.. the crowd rocks to any big name djs..

i'll be going for future funk squad next sat! anyone wanna come along?

the sounds of katie melua fills me to the brim of my heart.. i don't know why, but her vocals always gets me somehow.. i urge all of you out there to try out a couple of her tracks such as piece by piece.. she does jazz and blues by the way.. and you all know i don't ever listen to any jazz and/or blues at all.. not even jamie cullum or that michael buble.. they are so "ewww.. next please!"..

the weekends are getting shorter and the weekdays are stretching even longer.. i could almost feel depression creeping in again.. especially after i've lost my most precious digital camera.. i felt so, so sad.. i could never describe it.. i had so much sentimental value for it, i never knew.. and i'll never forgive myself for misplacing it.. under the stupiest reasons of it all..

my lost memorabilia..

your fair skin, tender cheeks brushed against mine.. your hair, scented of heavenly sweetness.. laying down, i felt white satin sheets under my hands.. it was bright and pure.. i tried to wrap my arms around you.. such ecstacy i was feeling.. my heart beating faster.. i felt your breath drawing closer.. such surreal and sensual moments, but yet i could not see your face..

where are you, my fair princess?

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176.
12 March '06.
7.44 pm.
missy elliott - lose control (scumfrog remix).

dogs of the sea.

i looked at chaos in the eye.. and it glared back into mine.. mockery it showed and i knew it was laughing directly at me.. staying calm, i told it to go away.. the laughter roared.. i unleashed my anger.. it shrunk back into its shell.. then silence.. agressiveness tamed it.. then i realised, to control, you'd need to be firm.. and have the power to unleash.. the hate inside of you..

i found out that fate had me played right into its hands.. beyond choices and free will, every decision i've made and every action that i've taken have brought me to where i am now.. or at least this is what is happening to me in the army.. in any way i've looked at it, nothing could have changed it.. and me, eventually being posted to changi naval base as a sea soldier.. it's almost like i'm meant to be there.. else, it's i'm condemned to be there..

just watched gangs of new york.. it's an excellent movie.. a masterpiece, i'd say.. it's been a long time since a movie have brought me much satisfaction after watching.. it's wholesome-ness.. the story wraps itself together, plots weaven seamlessly into one another.. the acting is very real and lines with the tinge of a shakespearean language.. it's a great watch..

15.03.06
went over to the guan yin temple for the first time ever to get my fortune told.. this is totally foreign to me even though my grandmather is a buddhist.. i lighted some incense to greet the gods before asking for my fortune.. or more specifically, where would i be heading towards to.. i got my lot.. and it's lot 44.. and recieved a slip of paper that says my fortune.. it said something like me fighting with another will only end up in a draw and i'd need to possess some skills and knowledge if i am to defeat him.. i wondered what has this have to do with my life ahead..

then i headed to those uncles outside to further read into my fortune slip.. he spoke to me in deep mandarin that i could barely comprehend.. he explained to me pretty much alot of stuff which i could only make out as a chunkful of chinese proverbs, mediums and characters that came to me as if he's speaking in tongues.. i tried to absorb what i could.. but it only added to the migraine building up at the side of my head.. he even brought me to some secluded area at another building to pray for my days in ns..

the whole trip was queer.. it filled me up with more questions than answers.. i even had to pay quite abit for his services.. whatever it is, i doubt what i'd want to find out wouldn't be that easy at all..

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175.
26 February '06.
2.15 pm.
les rhythmes digitales - jacques your body (cassius remix).

the platoon that never sings.

on friday night, at about 10pm, the school of sispec, trainees from the 38th BSLC embarked on a 7 and a half hour long journey to complete their 28km graduating route march.. but really, it was more like 30km..we all got back to company line at about 5.30 in the morning with only enough time to wash up and change into a new set of uniform for our graduating parade.. with our shoulders, back and feet aching, we carried our full battle order again, marched to the parade square and had our corporal rank slapped onto our shoulders..

now, we're all officially corporals..

the next thing i knew, i was on for a whole day of consecutive events.. before i had the time to even think about sleep, i was rushing to have breakfast, then area-cleaning at the company front, then packing up of my personal belongings, then returning all the stores that my sergeant had provided, then had our postings read out.. i won't be going to the next level of the section leader course..

i've been posted to the Navy, under the Changi Defence Squadron..

and that sucks, i'd probably be doing guard duty for the rest of my ns life.. and i'd hate that.. coping with that disappointment was enough to ruin my day.. then we were left to packed our remaining stuffs and fall in with everything for lunch.. our briefing on reporting of our postings was after that.. as soon as that was done, we were free to go.. i spent some time saying goodbye to my camp-mates.. i'd miss them so much! esp makoto, wei kai, sean, wei kian, jonathan, guna, heikal, rudi.. sigh.. wishing them all the best in their new posting and in becoming a true garang warrior!

i got home at about one plus and thought i had some time alone to do my things.. not before long a friend popped by my place and i had to leave the house to accompany him.. he had some problems and i had to hear him out, over repeated stories, over 6hrs.. that's enough to kill me.. watched a movie at night till late and then ran off to meet my other friends who were totally mad at me.. my timing didn't go as planned and i was almost 2hrs late.. tried to work things out but to no avail.. i was already feeling bad enough and had this whole emotional turmoil burning in me through the day's events.. only managed to get home at 3 plus in the morning..

by then, i couldn't wait to just crash and burn..

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174.
21 February '06.
8.52 pm.
eric prydz - call on me.

i'm not man enough if...

1. i'm still a virgin
so it was the first time when everybody was outside the bunk and talking.. just sitting by the corridor, waiting for further instructions and talking.. inevitably, the topic of girls and sex came about.. many agreed that a man need to have some "experience" in order to handle girls.. be it sweet-talking or making the same ol' jolly jokes that girls will squeal to.. then a bunkmate of mine, we all know he's no longer a virgin, told us that once you have that kind of experience with a girl, it'd boast your ego and confidence when trying to hook up with the ladies.. why? because you'd know how to handle them, be on the "same-level" and such..

it seems that the army, besides it's rigorous training, is a place where the man have come together to sit around the tempest of the camp-fire and boast their sexual conquests.. the more they have sex, the more experience they garner, thus the more ego they accumulate.. because it means so much to them, they have placed themselves on a higher plane than those whom have fell short compared to themselves..

one of my sergeant is always telling us about his experiences in geylang, dodgy ktvs and sometimes through the internet.. proudly professing his experiences with ten over girls that were just one night stands and a number few which he had the services paid for.. then he goes on ranting that singapore girls are all sluts, mildly laughing in humiliation that i am still a virgin, that by the time i get out of the army, all the girls would have their virginity taken by some other guy and i'd be left with none.. so why do i still want to keep my virginity? he, then, asks about my past relationships and was quite taken aback when i told him i did not have sex with my ex-girlfriend of one year.. following that, he questions my sexuality..

mind you, i did not tell him much, i pretty much generalised things.. i never did like to tell anyone about my private life.. i did however, had a discussion with him on the grounds of a conventional, decent ethic and moral principles which he is quick to slam back at me with the realities of today's practicality and issues of the young.. drawing conclusions that we were brought up from two different grounds and our perspective of things is being seen differently, he left me with the advice to go geylang and to lose it..

and then, when i come back, to tell him all about it..

2. i'm a goodie-two-shoes
girls fall for bad boys as the old saying goes.. and i've seen this in many many magazines in their efforts to explain why.. but mind you, they are just a bunch of useless men's magazines that repeat their "100 ways to turn her on" in 100 different angles over the span of 2 years.. it's just like watching a movie, the storyline is good and the director did a good job in executing it in many camera shots..

there's always a comet coming to hit earth at 200,000,000 km/hr.. a volcano ready to blow itself up to pieces and tearing up the earth's tectonic plate, unleashing tons of magma spilling all over.. an espionage of a top secret agent that may resolve two powerful countries on the brink of war.. a suspicious mirror in the cabinet that causes death to whoever who lives in the house..

i mean, come on, you enjoy the movie but you don't actually put yourself to believe in it, even if it's real.. the magazines are just a little more tricky because they always have some comment from some professor, therapists, local statistics and such to prove their point.. this makes us have to believe in what they say, and if you're not bad enough a boy, please be prepared to finish last..

or, you can also go geylang and lose it..

3. i'm not firm enough
and yes, girls don't like whussies too.. the wishy-washy kinda attitude that they give you? they don't like it either.. say all you want that girls are fickle but hey, they are girls.. they have a right to be fickle.. or at least to be a bitch once a month.. when a guy is caught being indecisive, straight away his masculinity is being stripped off.. he becomes unappealing.. a man must have a firm stand, then he can control and run his life.. not easily swayed left and right and end up nowhere in life..

my paternal grandfather was a firm man.. he was the patriarch of the family, the epitome of what the family stands for.. he ruled the family with a firm grip.. for many years, he shifted to a couple of new houses bought to accommodate to his needs and having family members to be with me.. but as old age grew and diseases came, he became wheelchair-bound.. two maids were assigned to him to take care of him.. at least three families lived with him in a beautiful three-story home with marble flooring, projector tv and such.. it's courtyard is big enough to hold at least seventeen cars.. a garden big enough for you to build a small bridge crossing the two ponds..

and every chinese new year, all of the Ong family would go there as a gathering.. exchanging ang-baos, oranges and catching up after that one year had passed.. it'd be crowded, kids running around, aunts talking at the coffee table, the youth watching tv at the sofa, like a scene that came from a traditional chinese family celebration from the theatre.. this was the only time in the year when the entire Ong-vale would have a come together.. the peak of family-unionship..

a couple of years later, my grandfather passed away after giving a good fight.. his funeral was grand.. the biggest paper house i've seen burned ferociously together with a car, a couple of maids and five bags filled with folded money notes.. everyone was there, everyone had expected this to come sooner or later.. some wailed as his coffin got pushed for cremation.. his will was then distributed amongst his many children..

and after that, the big beautiful house he had lived in was sold.. the families had bought their own houses to live in.. the rest of the family separated and lived in their own home.. some went abroad to study.. some started out their new business.. the following year for chinese new year was different.. we no longer go to that big house and went to only a selective individual homes to pay respect to my aunts and uncles.. i know we only visited about three different homes.. and that was it.. i barely saw the other three-quarters of the family..

the stronghold of the family had been torn down with the event of my grandfather's death.. his firm grip was lost.. and i guess the family then ran amok..

just penning down thoughts..

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173.
11 February '06.
2.25 pm.

vexed.

ok, something weird is going on with my comp and i'm not sure why.. i just know it..

"fuck tup la, ong! fuck tup! fuck tup!" the words reverberates in my head over and over again and came from none other than my beloved section commander, seargent yeo.. i'm now known only as "ong!".. lol.. well, my seargent ain't scolding me or whatsoever.. he's just saying it ever so jokingly and everything comes out sounding so soothing and normal.. of all surnames to be used, my sounds the smoothest..

my seargent would always come around my area and "talk cock" with me.. usually something about sex, else it's about me going to ASLC (advance section leader course) and he'll be there to "chiong" with me.. you guys know that i'm in SISPEC (school of infantry specialist) right? which also means suffer in silence, please endure and carry on.. anyhow, i'm now unofficially coporal ong! in just two weeks time, i'll get my rank! heh'.. wonder where will i go after this.. i'm keeping my fingers crossed tho'..

i had an exercise nutcracker this week.. and had to dig trenches for like, uh, until you finish la.. so you don't stop till you're done.. we all started at about 8pm.. and my partner and i decided to end at about 3am.. that's about 7hrs in total.. i'm in no shame to say, i did more of the digging! hee.. the next day with barely a couple of hours of sleep, my whole back was aching to my arms and even my fingers too! it's like i've been playing the piano for 7hrs instead.. who gets finger aches anyways?

topography in mandai was an experience.. they have coconut like ferns and weird trees with spikes all over them.. and they get spiked into my shirt, into my hands and arms.. if not my helmet.. it's so irritating, those needle like pains that keeps stabbing into you once in awhile.. trust me, it's alot worse if you walk through a plantation with all of them there! i walked through it, i know.. it kinda reminded me of how my ex-girlfriend's spikes, that she wears on her wrist, just keep poking into mine.. only this time, more lethel and annoying.. lol.. my group and i caught a leech from one of the streams and a giant millipede from a tree.. and i do mean g-i-a-n-t that will have your hair creeping up from your back.. besides that, we also spotted major g-i-a-n-t bamboos and ferns.. quite a sight in the local "national park" i say..

i'm vexed, alpha's a great company to be in.. but there's so much negative energy going around these days.. i can feel it from my friends and the instructors.. although no one brings it up and whispers it once in awhile.. there's nothing wrong with our instructors and commanders.. they're all skilled in the arts of millitary warfare.. the trainees are all fucked up i say.. most of them.. i don't deny i'm not one of them but at least i put in my best effort to do things and try to do them right.. this is probably the worst batch they've received ever! it's a letdown..

a special day for many of you people out there is coming.. i do hope everyone enjoys it as much as they can.. i know i'll be spending it with all of my craze loud army mates in a 16km route march around i-dunno-where.. think i'll get chocolates for them.. many attached or are still dating are celebrating it this weekend or the next.. for those who are attached, i wish you many more years to come.. and those who are still dating, i hope you get that special other to be yours asap! and for those who are still single like moi, just go out with your closest friends and have a blast! you'll never know if there's another bunch of the other sex just hanging around too..

here's a shoutout - wishing everyone a very Happy Valentine's Day!

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172.
4 February '06.
6.58 pm.
the orb - prime evil.

curb.

for claire.. you take care girl while you're there yeah? i can already see a future bright ahead of you! and we'll all miss you! esp mr chan! lol..

met up with claire, siti, jade, lena, su and keying.. it's been pretty long since the last time we catch up with one another.. it's nice to be back with the same ol' group of friends and "talk cock" together.. bring back memories and missing our school days.. claire's heading off to australia.. lucky girl.. the first among us to go overseas.. oh wells, wishing her all the best for her bachelor degree..!

wonders if my turn will come.. hee..

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171.
31 January '06.
12.48 pm.
planet funk - chase the sun (ambient mix).

resolutions.

sparkles flew up into the skies, boomed and bloomed into various patterns.. one after another, shapes form and dissipate.. like what you will see through a turning kaleidoscope.. it thunders through the glass and each explosion sync with every heartbeat, followed by goosebumps that tremble along the back of my skin.. it lighted up the dark sky magnificently and reflected the beauty of other giant buildings.. and i had the clearest view of them all.. standing 69 floors above from most people.. with my some of closest friends around.. it almost felt like a scene ripped off from the finale of fight club..

and at that moment, i knew there's no better way to celebrate than with your closest friends especially when you're up that high.. everything seems to have fallen on the right place.. and for the longest time, i felt warmth.. contented..

fate plays an imminent role in our lives.. whether you like it or not, our destinies follow a certain path under a controlled pattern.. i've been proven too many times to believe in it.. i've always thought that every man should be responsible for his own destiny and forge his own way but i realised there are just some boundaries that cannot be crossed.. however, within all this boundaries and constraints, we have the freedom of choice.. and it is in this freedom that will ultimately determine where we will all end up..

i've learnt to accept my own fate on certain things.. and it definitely have made things better and clearer because i have been short-sighted to see the bigger picture..

---------

army's really been keeping me busy for the past two weeks.. had lots of "engaging in lim chu kang", "live-firing at fofo hill" and "wandering in mandai".. so we've learnt plenty of drills to engage the enemy, i fired the bangalore torpedo and when i ignited it, the fuse burned a spot on my hand.. damn it hurts! and of course, i doubt anyone in the army can forget about the adventures in mandai.. we were doing topography there.. everything went well until at night, some fucker have to lose his m16 rifle and the repercussion of his lost was disastrous..

we went back to camp at one in the morning that night and was called to go into lower mandai to search again the next morning at nine.. most of our sergeants and sirs did not return.. i assumed they stayed back to try retrieve the rifle the entire night.. when we reached lower mandai for the second time, military police were everywhere.. the investigation branch, the security branch had all already came done and started to do their interrogation.. all of us saw ranks we've only heard of and badges never seen before..

we went into the forest 3 times to comb the entire area.. five other companies from sispec was called in, even those who have already booked out.. the military police brought in sixteen dogs in total.. a platoon from the demolition branch was brought in too.. by this time, over 500 soldiers have been mobilised.. later in the afternoon, the 9 division chief of army came in.. and when this happens, regardless of what rank you are; a private, a sergeant major, a warrant officer, a full-fledge officer or a captain, you will have to go in and search like the rest of the people..

and this was the first time, we are all involved in a real life mission.. a reconnaissance mission.. and the first time i saw all my sirs and sergeants working as hard as us, trainees.. and i've always thought they all have nothing to do but fuck the trainees and reading newspaper.. all of us, every single one of us, cursed and swore at that fucker who have lost his rifle.. we walked once more during the night with 99% of us low in morale, shagged and tired out.. it was then we were told that the 3 SIR battalion will be coming in.. obviously nobody is going back unless the rifle is found.. and this have also taken up one day from our holidays and me from so badly wanting to go mos for adam freeland! argh!

we left for company line after seven in the morning and we all thought we have to go back the next day to search again.. by 9.15am that same morning, we received news that the rifle has been found! and all of us screamed and cheered like mad.. i see my sergeants running around like crazy.. aren't we all fucking relieve.. we all get to go back for reunion dinner and spend our chinese new year in peace..

and oh, that fucker, got 40days in detention barrack.. this too i heard appeared in the news for about 20seconds.. i guess it's a really good experience to be involve in such a live mission.. it kinda gives me an idea of how things will go if we're all being mobilised to protect our country.. but this better be the first and last experience for me!

at the end of it all, my legs and entire body have never ached so much for the longest time.. i wasn't even aching this much after my 24km route march.. and bashing into the vegetation is a leaves-caressing, branches-swaying, stream-rushing, swamp-sticking, ground-breaking experience.. and oh, we even bashed out in the middle of the PIE expressway and walked along side with the cars..

anyhow, the other divisions of army hates sispec, the whole of sispec hates alpha coy, the entire alpha coy hates that one fucker.. hmm, shit does roll down the hill..

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170.
15 January '06.
6.34 pm.
madonna - hung up.

paving.

i'm beginning to take ashe's philosophy of life into consideration.. he says, "life is a stage; everything's superficial and shallow.." and applied to various aspect of lifestyle that people led.. i took that and mixed it with fight club's philosophy that poses an almost direct opposite of ashes'.. then, added my very own beliefs that is still somehow, in some ways, deeply rooted in the conservative asian ethics.. at this point of time, i lingered around the thought of the outcome and came to realise that i am very much the result of this mixture.. and perhaps just intellectually philosophical enough to deduce the conclusion of this concoction.. i'm just fucking lost and confused alright!?

i really miss watching music videos on the mtv channel.. either than that, i don't think i really miss tv that much.. been watching shows downloaded off the net.. watched narnia at the cinema yesterday.. it all seems like a mini lord of the rings movie rolled into one that is in a fantasy world through the magical wardrobe portal.. trying to find time for king kong now.. but still contemplating on the thought of spending 3hrs watching a big monkey climbing the empire states building..

talking about the movies, i'm falling more and more in love with keira knightley.. her acting rocks! she's been in so many movies that i've watched and it's always, "who's that cute girl?".. didn't realised it was all her until domino came out.. she's so yummy and only 20! too bad for all the guys out there, she's a proud lesbian! haha.. nevertheless, i've placed her right up to my favourites together with jessica alba, ashley scott and samiare armstrong!

anyhow, bought a jeans for myself today.. though it was way way way over budget but i love it so much! yes, it's another levis.. it's like the only affordable jeans i can find.. something i really like and can pay for.. else i'd really like to go for g-star though.. sigh, my want list keeps getting longer and longer.. lol.. i have a 20dollars off voucher for purchases above 100 in any levis store.. so if you guys wanna buy something from there.. let me know so i can pass it to you yea..

army is boring me.. to talk anything related to it, even the schedule with my own bunkmates, is making me cringe.. outside, inside camp, people my age are all talking about the army, their sergeants, their training, their experiences, how "shiong" it is, how slack it is - hey! shut the fuck up! enough of all this shit already! don't you fucking have a life besides the army? stop complaining grandpa! shut the fuck up and take it like a man! - enough said.. i should stop whining myself too..

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169.
10 January '06.
3.02 pm.
depeche mode - precious.

new_years.

shoutout: "happy new year folks!"

christmas is over so yeah, here comes the new year.. 2006 finally came upon us.. i just formatted my comp and realised i didn't do a backup for my site.. now everything's gone! the only backup of this i have now is one that i've probably saved over a year ago.. sigh.. i'm now trying to get a site somewhere else.. so bear with me here, please..

spending my bday in camp wasn't as bad.. except that leon kept shouting, "happy birthday, shih han!" out of nowhere and when you least expect it.. appreciation taken.. heh'.. i surprised myself by running the standard obstacle course in under 10mins.. not that fantastic but it's an improvement.. i had to clean my rifle and that was a real bitch to do.. there's just so much carbon inside that i wouldn't dare to fire it in anyway, expecting a chamber explosion big enough to ruin half of my pretty face.. lol.. and seriously, it doesn't help when my rifle is green in colour..

i recieved many messages from people wishing me and i was really quite surprised that some of you still remember my bday! thank you all! all the messages made my day in camp so much better! honestly, i was just expecting maybe a couple so this really surprised me.. and a message from my parents just made everything so complete..

bookout was inevitable and dinner at marche was simply pleasent.. with old friends.. they all surprised me with a little something.. and i was greatly touched..

mos was ultimately packed body-to-body to the c-o-r-e.. i'm just talking about the queue outside that worms around out of the road, goes left, turnabout and all the way right to the bridge just outside the mica building.. it was unsightly to see so many people all dressed up and being cramped like a can of sardines..

met up with sharon, sarah and francine and told them mos is way no-no.. we had friends queueing up there from 6-8pm.. (they ended nowhere near the door even after twelve.. i was told this later..) we headed down to zouk expecting less people to be there.. but there's still quite a strong crowd.. with a little help from ashe, we got in without having to queue.. unfortunately, the rest couldn't make it with us.. they headed over to chinablack i think.. it'd be interesting to see them on the dancefloor tho'.. kinda regretted that point and leaving them behind..

the first time since the renovation i went into zouk.. phuture look bigger now but it's way too bright.. not enough smoke too.. the main area looks alittle more cramped up now with giant speakers blasting right at the dancefloor.. anyhow, we spent most of the time in phuture till countdown and stayed till about four? tony tay's tracks were rocking but i have no idea why he had to play the two mellow tracks after the hour hit twelve.. expecially coldplay - yellow.. thought he should drop a huge legendary track with thick basslines and electric guitars when everyone cheered and blewtheir poppers.. danny tenaglia at the main room was almost as boring, the people there looked like swaying zombies instead to jumping ravers..

second time counting down in a club.. first time in a decent club.. and the first being an enjoyable one.. may 2006 be a more fulfilling and fruitful year for you people!

------

went zouk again for dave seaman.. drank quite abit and "danced like hell" on the main dancefloor.. first time ever for me.. plus with the smoke machine jets blasting out like 5seconds of intense smoke onto the dance floor and me being right under it was simply awesome! the feeling was incredible.. seaman's set was wicked enough with all those electro house vibes and pumping beats.. too bad i left when the peak was only starting.. and after that, when i think back, i was actually embarassed of myself.. i was probably like a monkey dancing on the floor..

------

think i had too much of a sheesha yesterday.. after awhile i started feeling nauseous.. there seems to be so much air in my tummy.. must be the foul with suasages i ordered.. putting in so much gas into my stomach.. together with the sheesha creating this very uncomfortable tension.. i had so much sheesha, my head was groggy and beginning to pound.. i wanted it, in a way, anyways.. i had to find an output to release everything that's been clogging up inside..

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168.
26 December '05.
6.08 pm.
blink 182 - i miss you.

x'mas.

the moment i got off the bus, i smelt freedom almost like never before.. the first week in the new camp was gripping.. i felt so confine even when the architecture of it is to make the camp like an open concept school campus.. like smu, you know.. i reckon it's going to get worse for me this week too..

something about the new camp.. the food's great.. everything is NEW.. and some parts are still under construction with leads to the massive amount of dust that falls on our new cupboards, drawers, bed, bed frame and our belongings.. and this makes area-cleaning a real b-i-t-c-h.. one mop around my bed area and the water magically turns black.. wow!

the festive mood is all around the air.. i love it.. where everyone's happy, smiling, putting on their best clothes and hanging out.. but deep down, you'll never really know, would you? something still stirs within me.. like a nice bowl of mushroom soup with chicken bits and other toppings to your liking.. the spoon is forever stirring, but it never scoops.. sometimes, i worry about myself too..

i hurried down to sharon's place on the eve.. distributed candy canes and chocolates to everyone.. played some mahjong and risk.. caught up on most of them.. really, the game is the least most important thing going on there.. michelle's got a new (commando) boyfriend.. sarah's still getting hotter than before.. sharon's doing really well.. francine is making more effort on her love life.. sean and i were basically just chilling and hanging around.. ya, like what's so nice to talk about the army right?

schedule was tight and after spending a relatively good enough time with them, i had to do to my uncle's place for the usual christmas gathering/dinner.. distributed candy canes and chocolates again.. the food was abundant and i received a couple of gifts too.. can't remember when was the last time i received a present already.. lol.. it was almost weird when i received it..

after dinner was down to ming yan's place for a bbq with the remaining of my secondary school friends there.. same thing, distributed candy canes and chocolates to all.. all the guys were there and a couple of other girls whom we are close to.. all of the guys were in army so very much of the time was talking about our sergeants to sergeant majors to the school and the army regimented system..

those who had girlfriends (ming yan, sean and eric), their girlfriends had to sit beside them and practically stare blank at our conversation.. not to leave them out, we started to gossip events from the past and present.. secrets where dug up, interesting facts were laid across the table while we chewed on our satays.. cutting in short, laughter was continuous throughout our various conversations..

by the time i managed to hug and crush unto my bed and wishing her a merry christmas, it was already 8.15 in the morning.. it was then i realised, the time counting down to christmas, was spent with all my friends in laughter.. it couldn't have been better.. i couldn't imagined myself in orchard counting down instead with restless people all standing around and waiting for the clock to strike twelve and after that, really where can we all go? practically most clubs and movie theatres will be packed to the core.. i believe this will be so for this coming weekend..

anyhow, it did occur to me how much i miss all my friends.. i wish i had all the time to personally sit down with them at starbucks, having coffee and catching up with them.. sharing thoughts and having spontaneous discussions.. there's just so much i feel i have to tell everyone.. every single person who had made an impact on my life.. enemies in the past or not.. i want to tell them how i felt then and now, i want to wish them all the best and congratulate them for every steps in succession they had taken in their lives..

and for all those whom i have lost contact with.. i can only regret.. for not making the right choices.. not taking the first step to make things right.. not able to tell them what i really want to say.. but it all stops here now.. i've made a point to make a change.. no longer do i want to regret.. or hold onto what precious thoughts i have to say for a special occasion.. regret will be the worst feeling and it will haunt for the rest of my life.. i will not let all this go into waste! my tomorrow will be shimmering bright..

i'm still nineteen and there's so much i can do! okay, so i'm approaching the big 2-0 now.. i hate knowing that i'll be spending that day in camp.. i saw the schedule all right.. first thing in the morning, is running the standard obstacle course, followed by endurance training and then learning a new weapon.. and i only get to book out on the following day at noon.. it gotta be my worse birthday ever.. heh'.. it's all in my head actually..

having to sort our issues with myself during the festive season is quite tough.. nothing really gets work out.. thought i'll buy myself some presents yesterday but the crowd is just overwhelming.. i got donuts for the family though.. nice, sweet donuts!

anyhow, for all those whom i've missed out and lost contact with..

Merry Christmas to you..

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167.
17 December '05.
1.50 pm.
m.a.n.d.y - words don't come easy.

the ministry.

went to ministry of sound late yesterday.. apparently they had a soft launch on wednesday for the media.. one exclusive opening on thurs for those who subscribed i guess and one more yesterday for those with invites but also opened to public for 25bucks a ticket.. today is the official weekend opening to the public.. or so i've heard.. however, i think it's crap to have so many so-called "exclusives" opening before the official one..

yes, i had invites for yesterday.. no actually, my friend had the invites.. i tagged along.. lol.. went we first reached there.. a whole shit-load of people were cluster-fucking outside and queue was incredibly long.. longer than what i've seen at zouk! not sure if the invites could work, we walked right to the front and asked.. the lady at the door asked us to queue up! i almost wanted to bang my head when we just decided to queue a shorter queue right at the front..

a white guy came up beside me and asked if i had the invites.. and he did saw that we had an extra one.. then he asked whether we could help him to get in.. he's willing to pay 50 bucks for it! wow.. but we turned him down for friends.. in less than a minute, we were in.. you know the feeling of beating 1000 idiots standing around outside waiting for hours and we just got in in less than a minute? boy, do i feel really "exclusive" now..

we stood around and waited for friends before going back out again.. and we're not sure if we're able to get in another time.. passed the other invite to another friend of ours.. and this time round, we went back in again from the back door! thanks to skye, with his models, took most of the people that he knew in.. again, the feeling was like "wow"..

mos is really huge.. bigger than zouk if i'm not wrong.. although their main dance hall is not that fantastic but i do like the concept of it.. especially the fountain.. however, their other rooms are done up really really well.. except maybe for the hip-hop one.. each and every room is designed and done up so lavishly.. each room is unique and it's not quite something i've seen before in a club.. it's simply amazing.. really, please check it out..

saw a lot of celebrities there too.. christopher lee, olinda, hossan leong.. tons of models here and there.. the ladies dressed up, heels or boots, v-necks or bare-backs.. very "up-market".. saw this really interesting lady at the 54 room dancefloor and she sure got the moves.. but her rather pathetic boyfriend/partner couldn't do jack shit.. he ain't good-looking either so why is she with him! argh.. the world's so unfair to me.. lol..

once i started dancing, i almost couldn't stop.. we went all over the rooms periodically and no matter what genre they were playing, it sounded all good.. and it was almost non-stop dancing for us.. i certainly enjoyed myself.. just wished all my friends could have been there with me.. i'm pretty sure they'll like it.. clubbers or not.. mos definitely can have a tough fight with zouk now..

expecting mom.

when i woke up today, mom started to question me about yesterday night.. what time did i reach home and who was i with and stuff.. i did tell her i was going to a club the day before.. she starts her lecture on drinking and smoking is bad and i better not learn to do it.. and the friends around i have, i should be careful of them because they may be having a bad influence on me.. you know, this kind of stuff that mom says to their precious kid..

and out of nowhere, she says. "why don't you go find a decent girlfriend?" astonished.. i thought i was hearing things or something is not right.. i had to make her repeat that.. and she said it again, "why don't you go find a girlfriend ar?" i blinked twice, frown alittle, thought for awhile before answering, "where and how to go find girl?" and she replied, "see your ex-classmates, see who is suitable for you la.. but don't anyhow go out and find.. those not good one.."

this is so unexpected, i'm not even prepared for a conversation like this.. i just kept quiet.. it's so scary that now, my mom is asking me go find a girlfriend? i mean like in the past, i use to keep my relationship in secret and when she does find out, she'll be complaining i spent so much time and money on my girlfriend.. it seems like now, i've been officially given the "green light" to go get girlfriend.. i'm still 19! most moms will ask their kids to get a girl after they have successfully secured a career yea? or at least when they are in their 20s.. like over 21..

it's just so weird.. which girl from here would wanna be with a army boy anyways? (stereotyping involved here..) hmm, guess i'll pick up the phone and dial for a dating agency later.. LoL..

season greetings.

christmas season is just round the corner.. can you feel the energy slowly building up? even though there's not much hype about it, the warm fuzzy feeling is growing on me.. while over at sydney, they had so much christmas stuff going around.. selling so many many decors, candies and stuff.. shopping there beats singapore 10:1.. i could spent hours in a supermart, kitchen-ware store or home furnishing shop.. so so so much to see!

thinking back.. having nostalgic feelings.. of old friends.. people whom i haven't met in years, lost contact with.. somehow, i really hope i'll be able to catch up with them.. sharon and michelle, together with me will be hosting a small gathering on christmas eve for secondary sch mates.. can't wait to see how everyone's been doing..

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166.
16 December '05.
2.41 pm.
hybrid - the drop (man on fire edit).

g'd-day mate!.

lying on bed when i first opened my eyes to a brand new day today was such a luxury.. a luxury i endeavoured in for many many minutes after.. ahh.. i sure miss life before all this.. no wonder they say school life is the best..

my trip to australia was great, if not, even better! i stayed in my aunt's humble home in sydney and she arranged and brought my dad and i to several places of interests.. together with my uncle, who has a little tinch of sadistic humour.. i would say we covered quite alot in australia.. the last time i was here.. it was 10 years ago.. and 10 years is a long time.. my cousins are great to hang out with, just got to get use to the whole aussie slang, accent and lingos..

shopping in the city was awesome, almost as good as walking down london's oxford street.. this time, it's sydney's pitt street.. walking down that street made me feel that singapore's orchard road is boring as crap.. there's so much vibrancy, life and colours.. chicks there are hot and yes, do they have boobs.. the culture is just so comfortably casual.. you wouldn't feel out of place at all..

especially if you're into beach-wear.. i know claire probably dig into this.. i swear to you, there's so much beach-wear shops, that even if i gave you a million dollars, you wouldn't have enough to get everything.. from mambo, quiksilver, billabong, rip curl, stussy, volcom, etc.. it's wow.. not my kind of labels however.. but i fell in love with industrie products.. bought 2 shirts and a sling bag.. sure made my day..

while dad was busy shopping for souvenirs, i was busy getting myself records, cds, dvds, colognes and free mags.. i'm pretty satisfied with all the stuff that i've got.. none i could get here locally.. and even if i could, i got it at a cheaper price.. heh'..!

went to the opera house watch "angel's symphony".. comprising of the sydney's symphony and children's choir.. they delivered a heavenly performance.. it was just so mad.. simply amazing.. and the first time i get to go into the opera house too!

other places and things we did was going on a horse-riding trip around some hills, visited the three sisters mountains, saw the ocean line across the horizon, visited some famous blow-hole, walked the jenolan caves and did more window shopping around the sub-urban areas.. did i mention that my stupid horse rode right into some tree branches; obviously i got scratches on my arms and one of my fave t-shirt got torn.. my aunt had the cheek to tell me i'll never forget this horse riding experience in sydney.. ain't that true..

some of the sub-urban shopping malls are even better than those in the city.. we went to this really massive-mega-humongous ikea mall.. it was like a maze! i think we barely walked a quarter of it and we had to go.. the exit sign was everywhere but it seems like we took forever to get out..

my cousin brought me to go clubbing on the weekend.. it's a grand opening of a new club where all the aussie asians will go.. plus we had tickets! and guess what? i couldn't enter! none of my identification card could work unless its my passport.. and you know, it's quite dangerous to bring out your one and only passport at night especially to go clubbing with.. the only consolation i get is probably meeting up with a couple of nice girls (one of them my cousin likes) and having small chats.. after that, having a really good pizza!

heard of the cronulla riots in sydney? the racial tensions there got worse each day.. i was there watching the first headlines and updates everyday.. my cousin told me the aussies there may be planning to bring guns to the beach this weekend.. i don't know.. the only thing that probably affected me was that the place where all this started, was only a short 7 minutes drive away from my aunt's home..

first france, now australia.. where's next?

coming back was such a dread.. especially knowing that you have to go to the army again on the following monday.. you know how sumptuous it is to wake up on a soft bed with yellow sunlight brimming into the room filled with cool natural air and hearing the happy voices of your family members downstairs.. and you lie there wondering what's for breakfast and what you'll be doing during the day.. i'm already missing sydney..

coming monday, i'll be sloughing to becoming a sergeant.. 3rd Sgt Ong Shih Han! hmm, that doesn't sound too bad all..

tekkong! now i'm the one looking down! *proud laughter*

sydney harbour bridge..

sydney opera house..

my aunt's humble home..

this my aunt's car! wow..

some interesting stuff at the supermart..

i never knew milo had this..

D size batteries.. do they even have it here?

intrigueing signboards..

haven't heard "bush" for a long time..

yes, they do have one whole huge section dedicated to just fruits!

viewing the pacific ocean's horizon..

three sisters..

jenolan caves..

really cute little kangeroo we spotted along the side of the road..

at the city.. places were filled with art almost everywhere!

taken inside the opera house..

the sydney tower..

train map! not as bad as the paris's metro i guess..

best steak i ever had! simply divine! my last dinner in sydney.. hee..

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165.
6 December '05.
9.41 pm.
royksopp - 49 percent (angello & ingrosso remix).

the army turn boys into men.

everyone was cussing and swearing.. the mc sure sucks.. dumb wanna-be boy bands tries hard to rap only up the ferocious roaring of the recruit's dissing.. nobody wanted to stand up, no matter how hard the mc tried.. those who did was taunted by those in the back to sit down.. the beginning was filled with a repetitious chanting of "sit down!", "you suck!", "sit! sit! sit!", ""fuck you!".. followed by "boos.." and "no..!".. it was recruit's evening gone wrong..

all of us reached back to our company line nearly at midnight on friday.. as soon as we were settled down, the skies poured down rain that seems to be accumulated during past few days.. we were real lucky.. we were all shagged with aching shoulders, back and legs.. only i had an aching head.. i hate my helmet! we were all at our peak.. our morels high, raging the spirit of the accomplishment of completing the graduating 24km route march.. we took about 7hours 15mins..

the passing out parade(pop) rehearsals is almost retarded and totally redundant to my opinion except to the fact that "all 1600 of you must do this together".. with the school sergeant major in charge, it was almost like a rehearsal that will never end.. he can't give marching timings for nuts.. he can't give one command without breaking it halfway and spot some mistakes with some recruit nearby.. and he nags worse than my mother!

but guess what? i've POP today! it's a great feeling knowing that you've completed the basic military training and you don't ever have to return back to tekkong again.. but at the same time, you have this contradicting conflict while you leave the bunk for the last time.. doing the last area cleaning.. having your last meal in tekkong.. and saying goodbye to the island for the last time.. and the friends we've made.. the time spent together.. suddenly seems all too short..

as soon as the parade was over.. we all became cam-whores and took every single shot with every other person.. threw a couple of people into the air.. so did one of our sergeants.. congratulating one another and hope to meet again in sispec or around the jurong area.. exchanged last minute contacts.. said our last goodbyes to our sirs, sergeant major, sergeants and tekkong island.. the last ride home was almost the sweetest ever..

and while i have my one and a half week break from national service, my dad made some last minute arrangements for us to travel to australia.. me, being a spoilt brat, asked for a holiday there to stay with my aussie aunt.. so i'll be going away for a week and probably squander all my cash away.. lol..

and they say the army turn boys into men.. i don't know how true this saying is but i know i've changed since i've stepped into the army phase.. for better or worse? i'm not too sure myself too.. i guess there's a balance of both.. with so much male testosterones raging around, i know my patience have lessen.. and some things i just couldn't be bothered with anymore.. plus a whole lot of insights to people's beliefs, perception and values..

there will always be a child in me that will always screw something up by doing some stupid shit or asking some lame questions or answering in a manner that have no connection at all to the given question at all..

it's an optimism, perseverance and dreams through determination that will get me to where i'd want to be.. to push myself beyond boundaries.. and while i'm at it, aussie here i come!

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164.
20 November '05.
5.05 pm.
robbie williams - jesus in a camper van.

the army made me stupid.

ok, so i decided not to use abbreviations for my titles anymore.. probably 0.000% of the people will get it anyways.. for the rest of you, they are not just random alphabets being placed in a certain order just for fun.. just to let you know, you know~..

had another outfield camp the last week and it's the last one in bmt! i'm glad i got over and done with it! the camp was really fun except for a particular someone whom i detest much in my own detail.. we had to do like 6 missions for 2 days.. and for each mission, we are placed in a situation and we would have to brianstorm and come up with solutions within a certain time limit.. it's shag.. but it pays off.. this is also the time where we get to show off our leadership potential and teamworking skills.. we were all graded for it..

the next best thing that happened in camp was running through a 100m course of obstacles and dummies and performing close-combat training on them.. we have to run fast, crawl fast, shout aggressively throughout the entire run-through.. i don't mind crawling, i don't mind mud all over my body.. what i could not stand was the mud, cover with water, stank like shit! and i do literally mean shit! cowdung shit! or whatever shit! it stinks to the c-o-r-e.. anyhow, the entire company stank of the same shit that day.. and we still got to clean up..

booked out and went to watch the exorcism of emily rose.. pretty good movie with a good debate between medical science and religion's faith to overcome a demonic possession.. it wasn't as scary or creepy as i thought it'd be.. got more records and bought myself a new black specs from eye play.. they do have pretty interested plastic specs from there.. just felt like splurging on myself that day.. i've sloughed hard in camp.. i deserved the best! heh'..

went wakeboarding again in the morning with nixon and eddie! it was an ass-kicking experience! loved it more this time.. am able to glide through the waters more steadily.. able to do a 180 turn but still fall.. managed to get a hang of jumping up the waves! woooooooooooooo..... think i'm gonna be addicted to it.. nixon is jumping higher over the waves.. and it was eddie's first so he had it most of the time trying to get up and balance on the board.. but it lasted for a short 2 hours due to the lack of people participating.. sigh.. anyone interested please let me know yeah?

2 more weeks to the end of my bmt.. 3 months is whizzing pass so fast.. sometimes, i do wonder..

most of the things that need to be cleared has been done.. there is grenade throwing next week.. 16km route march.. so what's left will be my last ippt and the 24km graduating route march.. i am proud to say, i can do 4 chin-ups now!! from a zero-fighter to f-o-u-r! within abt 2-3 weeks.. i'm aiming for a eight! been pushing myself really hard.. 2.4km run is pretty much okay for me.. just need to run more.. and i realised today, while looking at myself at the mirror, my four pack isn't developing at all! instead i see the muscles-lining for a six pack coming up! i reckon they would given another month or two of training.. but really, it isn't that obvious.. i still want my slim and lean body shape..

found a handphone on my way back in a cab.. and spent about 2 weeks contemplating whether i should return it or not.. and then i decided to cash in to the devil and sold it to a friend.. still not sure if i've done the right thing.. just afraid karma will come back around at me..

the army is all about following routines and protocols.. i hate this rudimentary system.. my thinking process is like slowing down.. my english is deteriorating much faster.. so is my IQ.. and EQ.. i feel stupid now.. and i know i am not the only one feeling this way.. however, everyone in my platoon, especially my section mates, makes everything better in a way.. all of us are like pieces to a bigger puzzle.. each and everyone of us is an important piece.. and through all these shit we've been through, we've grown to forge a stronger bond than before..

and i guess that is what really is important.. our personal developments..

most of my section-mates! except for the fucker on the extreme right..

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163.
6 November '05.
12.58 pm.
prodigy - poison.

bffc.

everybody wants to say something..
everybody wants to prove something..
everybody wants to make a statement..
but nobody is gonna listen with so many uproaring voices..

came back from field camp last week.. survived 7 days in outfield! hooo.. it was an experience to take along for the rest of my life.. and i personally like to thank someone for cursing me and that curse did came true.. you know who you are..

so it rained like almost everyday.. 4 out of 7 days was raining at night while we were sleeping.. and our tents isn't like waterproof at all.. thus, many of us slept with water dripping on us and running everywhere else.. and yeaup, many of us didn't sleep well at all.. i know i did.. i was too tried to think of anything else.. and also, thank God for rain coats!

combat rations sure sucks.. i mean just by smelling it or looking at it, you've already lost all ur appetite.. but what choice do we have right? eat or die..

learn a great deal of things during this period.. it was most definitely fun and educative.. it was just the weather that really brought all of our morels really low.. love firing blanks! i fired almost all of my blanks as soon as i could get to fire.. but cleaning up the rifle after is such a real bitch!

dug up our graves on the second last day.. i think that was the only day i slept the best.. the trench fitted me nicely and the soil was soft.. indeed i rested in peace.. on the last day, all of us had to do a leopard crawl for about 75m with some machine gun live firing above us.. simulating a war like event.. it was tiring but fun! had abrasions all over my elbow now..

felt like heaven when i got home to bathe! scrubbed myself all over twice and soaked myself in warm water.. oh yeah, you don't get to bathe at all for 6 of the 7 days.. just powder bathe! spraying powder on yourself until you turn snow white..

splurge on myself during this week's holidays.. bought myself new shoes, watch movies, went clubbing, bought some cds and vinlys.. and the highlight was going wakeboarding with my army dudes! i fell right in love with that sport as soon as i balanced upright on that wakeboard! can't wait for the next time! and oh, did i tell you how much i love my new sneakers too? still looking for a pair of really nice boots tho'..

pictures of field camp coming up and thereafter.. still don't have the wakeboarding pics.. darn it.. and field camp pics are only from my camera.. there's still 3 other cameras i still haven't receive the pics from.. took most of the pic myself.. so naturally, there's no me in the shots.. sigh.. anyhow, my very first visual-posting since i got in camp..

the night before.. packing up..

the morning after, 1st day..

2nd campsite on reclaimed land..

proning..

baby crobra on the tracks!

dinner! cooking maggie mee..

my platoon's 4 sergeants and platoon sergeant..

3rd campsite, rubber plantation..

with all our bashars up..

combat ration! appetising isn't it?

my m16 rifle..

current ic doing fire movement drill..

ice!

powder bathing!

that's me! waiting to go home!

sunset in tekkong..

on the boat.. going back to mainland..

the very cliche last but not least..

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162.
23 October '05.
4.16 pm.
goldfrapp - ooh la la (original extended mix).

.hap

I am not happy at all..

Not at all..

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161.
15 October '05.
9.51 pm.
bt - running down the way up.

ttk.

as i look out of my window, behind the grills that my hands so hardly clench on.. i saw my memoirs of the yester-years.. blurred by a purplish-grey haze.. my head turned and i saw the door opened wide for me.. i heard music playing at the other side.. there were people and crowds chattering and cheering.. my body leaned towards there but my hands still clenched on the grills.. they reluctantly let go when i moved towards the door.. i couldn't see what's over at the other side.. the door was filled with a blinding light.. i was almost afriad to walk over.. small steps i took and embrace through..

immediately, the light was gone.. replaced with flashing laser lights shooting in all directions.. it was sparkling almost everywhere.. the music was much louder and i could feel the bass from the speakers.. a mirror ball hung at the centre and below it, the dancefloor where everyone i knew was there dancing wildly and cheering.. another group of them was sitting by the soft velvety red couch, drinking and chatting away.. and there was another group of them by the door as though they have just joined the party.. and i saw every one of my friends, mixing around, integrating as one.. one crowd.. one world.. my world.. my friends..

i moved over to the centre of the crowd.. everyone is still in the midst of their own conversation.. i was almost oblivious to them, except for a couple whom smiled and waved at me.. i acknowledge and waved back.. a couple came over to hug me.. and i received a kiss or two.. i smiled back.. it's good enough.. i looked all around me.. i love the crowd, the ambient, the music.. everything seems to blend together in a sweet set of mixture..

i saw my bed at the corner.. my pillows, boasters and blankets all arranged and folded nicely.. i let out a soft yawn and moved on.. i sat by the side of my bed and turned to see my friends mingling.. a lingering moment of thought before i decided to turn in.. i lay on my back and pulled the blanket to my shoulders.. said my prayers.. and i thought, "life is good.. it's all good.."

and i smiled into slumber..

-------------

bmt.

bmt have officially begin.. range (live-firing) and field craft will be next week.. followed by field camp..i am bias towards two of my platoon-mates.. and i do admit i have been a real bastard to them.. when they do tick me off that is..

am still surviving.. didn't grow bigger in any way.. still no four pack.. still can't do one chin-up.. so, yeaup..

been going out like there's no tomorow when i book out.. barely had time for my darling computer.. or my lovely turntables.. or my cool toys.. or any of my porn at all.. but one thing i regret most is not spending enough time with my one true love - my bed..

i feel so comfortable and loved when i sleep on my bed.. i feel like i'm in a state of euphoria..

not saying the bed in my bunk stinks.. even though we have changed all the beds and pillows.. now we all have new bedsheets too.. new pails, new brooms, new mops, new dust pans.. how fortunate~..

nevertheless, training remains the same.. i'm getting mentally tired of it.. it's the same old shit everytime for strength training.. but last week, we had our first lesson on close combat trainning.. which i think it's pretty cool.. i'm looking forward to the next one.. love the rifle, can't wait to fire it.. but it can be quite troublesome and a pain at times..

went to chinablack yesterday with friends.. bunch of botaks dancing on the dancefloor and platform.. lol.. it's a really big place.. but it looks like everything is being scattered around.. girls there seems alittle close-up.. bumped into a couple of bastards.. and a couple of booty-shaking ladies.. music was quite bad, by my standard that is.. it's all a mashed-up genre of music between top 40s, house, electronic, r&b, hip-hop and rock..

it's catered to the younger commercial crowd, i forgot..

was suppose to meet up with them again tonight at wala wala.. but i decided not to go so i could have a tat of a time to update my blog, do some administration stuff, catch up with my turntables and bed and of course, spend more time with the family!

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